Like many working moms in my area, I drive my daughter to
the bus stop every morning, on my way to work.
When the weather is cold or wet, which is often here in SW PA, we all
sit in our respective cars until the bus comes. We can see the bus stop before ours, so
usually when the bus arrives at that stop, that triggers the kids to all pile
out and wait for the bus’s imminent arrival.
From the time she was in elementary school, I noticed that M
was always the last one in line. I
asked her about it many years ago, and she responded that everyone was in rush
to get on or jockeying to be first in line, and it was just easier to go
last.
At the time, I felt proud that she was wise and mature
enough to recognize that there was nothing special about being first in line.
Now that they are in middle school, everyone lines up really
nicely, no pushing, no arguing. M is
often still the last person in line, and still seems fine with it.
M’s bus stop is surprisingly all girls, except for three
boys, who are all brothers.
Over the past few months, I have noticed a trend that has
come to bother me.
The cars closest to
the bus stop (which is at a T) intersection varies – sometimes the girls are
closest, sometimes the boys. Regardless
of position, the girls all walk over, and get in line in the same order that
they arrive. None of them really seems
to care if they are first, middle or last.
The boys, however, are another story. Even if their mom’s car is the furthest away
from the stop, the boys still run at breakneck speed, run around the girls and
go to the front of the line.
At first, I rolled my eyes and thought, “Boys!”
You can probably hear the tone in my voice through this post. The “boys will be boys”, “boys have so much
energy”, “boys just don’t mature as fast as girls” attitude.
I even commented on it to M, whose response was an annoyed
but resigned sigh of agreement.
But a few weeks ago, it hit me. THIS
is where it starts.
This is where we are missing the boat as parents.
Why is it OK for these boys to run ahead of the
girls? Even if they are less mature,
they can be taught – the fact that they made it to middle school proves
that. Why is the mother not addressing
this? Why is she not telling them – it
isn’t OK to cut the line?
And why are these girls not
saying something about it? Why are they
allowing it? Why am I, a mother who
considers herself a feminist and champion of equal rights, not encouraging my
daughter to speak up?
It’s the bus stop line.
They all have assigned seats. It
doesn’t really matter one whit if they get on first or last – they will all get
the same seat they had yesterday, and the day before. It’s a blip on the spectrum of a
lifetime. I am making a mountain out of
a molehill. Let it go. It isn’t a big
deal…………
Or is it?
Is this where boys start to learn they can do what they want
and the girls won’t argue with them?
That boys can take what they want and the girls don’t get a say? They are entitled to get the top
position?
Is this where girls learn to resign themselves to the back
of the line because it is just easier?
To accept what they are given, rather than getting what they earned,
because “Boys”? To give in rather than stand up?
I believe it is. This
is the time and this is one of the moments.
The time where we need to teach
that energetic boys still need to go to the back of the line and quiet girls
still get to be first in line. The
time where we stop making excuses for boys and recognizing that they are capable
of doing better and being more.
The time when we
stop accepting when girls make themselves small and expect more from them.
This is where it starts.
This is where we start changing the world for the better.
