Making the Best of a Bad Situation

Just a little something I wrote last June . . .

I feel so proud of myself tonite.

Our house made Old Mother Hubbard’s cupboard seem well-stocked.  We were out of everything – laundry detergent, paper towels, deodorant, body soap, etc.   

I desperately needed clean laundry.  I had finally organized all my coupons, printed off some additional high value ones online and created a decent shopping list - I was feeling ready to go grocery shopping in a way that would support my health and financial goals.

But I got out of work almost 10 minutes late, with no back-up for picking McKenna up.  I could have been late to camp pick up, which would have made me feel terrible on multiple levels – feeling like a bad mom, feeling like I stuck the teachers, getting a “red” mark on my record for the month with the camp organization and having to pay the penalty.  It’s only $10, but still . . .

Fortunately, I had the best commute EVER.  Not a lick of traffic and I stopped for no longer than a few moments here and there for lights and stop signs.  Even with the horrific construction around my home, I made great time and arrived a few minutes early even.

Feeling completely relaxed and grateful for my commute, I went to get McKenna so we could head to Target.  My plan was to split a soft pretzel from the Target café, get our shopping done and a healthy self-prepared dinner at home.  All was well until we headed out the driveway at school and McKenna asked to listen to her One Direction music, which exists only on my iPod.

I put her off, intending to wait until we reached the next light to dig the iPod out of my purse and plug it in.  She kept whining and not wanting to ruin my good mood, I reached into my bag with one hand, at the same time the realization hit me – my iPod was still plugged in at my desk at work.  In my haste to get out the door, I had forgotten it.

I was completely aggravated with myself.  Unfortunately, my company has a theft problem that knows no limits.  I have had whole boxes of tissues stolen out of my desk.  A co-worker regularly had half bottles of Pepsi stolen.  Snacks, loose change, lunches from the refrigerators.    There was NO way that my iPod would still be there the next morning. 

At ten minutes to six, the likelihood that anyone I knew would still be at the office was slim.  Nonetheless, I tried to call several co-workers in the hopes of catching someone who could lock it up for me until the following day.  Having no luck, I reluctantly told McKenna we would need to go back to my office and why.

I was at that edge, facing the chasm of self-flagellation and self-directed anger that normally will accompany this type of mistake. 

I was thinking about all of the laundry and dishes that would have to wait at least one more day.  I was thinking about how I thought to put my purse in a position where my iPod could rest in it, reminding me to take it with me at the end of the day, and how I pushed the thought out of my mind.  I was thinking about how would I fit in dinner? How would I fit in a trip to Target and the grocery store knowing what else was on our schedule for the rest of the week.

I looked in the review mirror at my daughter’s unhappy face.  She wanted to know why I had to get a job in “downtown Pittsburgh” (that’s where most of the jobs are).  Then she said sadly, “I guess we are going to miss dinner, too.” 

Feeling terrible, I assured her that we would still have dinner.  Then, from somewhere so deep inside of me that was barely audible, I just knew that I couldn’t bear to spend this entire evening feeling bad.  I had to find some way to make it more than tolerable. 

So I asked McKenna, “How can we make the best out of this bad situation?”  She looked confused and with upper lip curled asked, “Huh?”  The she asked, “Do you mean how can we make this bad thing better?”  When I responded affirmatively, she thought for a moment, and then said, “I don’t know.”  But I could tell I had her attention.

So I suggested that after picking up my iPod, we could go to dinner at Panera, and then go to the Super Target, both of which recently opened within a mile of my office.  And I promised her that once we had my iPod, we would listen to all of her music on the way home.  I also promised that even if we got home a little later, she would still get some reading time before bed.  She agreed with enthusiasm and I could tell just by looking at her that her spirit lifted.

On the way to my office, we chatted, told stories and were generally silly.  Once we got to my building, she jumped out of the car, worried that my iPod might already been stolen.  She raced through the labyrinth of cubicle walls, stopping at each intersection trying to remember the way to mine on the far side of the building.  We finally arrived at my desk, finding my iPod safe and sound.  We left my office – me with my iPod and she with a beach stress ball and a small M&M character.

As we were leaving, we passed a friend still at her desk (wish I had thought to call her!), who added a stretchy figurine to McKenna’s treasure trove.  We chatted a few moments and took a different path back to the front door, running into several other co-workers (mental note to add them to my list of late workers for my next forgetful event).  McKenna stopped and spoke to each one of them, being charming, making friends.

From the office we headed to Panera, where we enjoyed a nice dinner, watched a group of ladies play Mahjong and split a warm chocolate chip cookie.

Feeling restored by the meal and the company of my daughter, we headed for Target.  I asked for special cooperation to get our shopping done quickly.   

McKenna did most of the cart pushing while I directed and filled it up.  When we were done, she picked out three $5 DVDs to purchase with a gift card from her birthday.

Thanks to my prep work, I saved almost 20% on my shopping trip, increasing my feel-good mood.  There were two items I needed that Target didn’t have, one of which was critical and when we got in the car, I started to feel anxious about making a second stop. It was already 8:30, with at least a 35 minute drive, and we needed to stop at my parents to pick up something McKenna needed for camp the next day.

Then I remembered that I had one more of the critical item at home in a secondary location.  A phone call to my dad revealed that he had dropped off McKenna’s camp item, so we didn’t need to stop there.

McKenna and I drove home, singing along to One Direction, Taylor Swift, and Adele, with a little Doobie Brothers, Loggins & Messina and The Beach Boys for extra fun.  Even though bedtime was later than I would like, I think the night turned out perfectly and I am so grateful.

Two things come to light to me in this:

• The look on McKenna’s face when I looked at her in the mirror.  She looked so pensive.  I am sure she didn’t want to drive all the way into my work, and saw yet another evening being spent doing something she didn’t want to do.  But I think there was something else there.  I think there was fear – fear that I was going to be angry, and sometimes my anger scares her.  And as much as it shames me to admit it, she has witnessed me beating myself up for what I consider to be my long list of short-comings and failings.  And that scares her and makes her sad.  In that moment, seeing her face, it was so clear that I needed to make a different choice, and in doing so, I lightened her load as well.

• Doing the prep work I did, getting my coupons and list together, feeling prepared helped calm me.  I felt less chaotic about the evening in general, which allowed me to take a breath, look in that mirror, and form an alternative plan. When I am feeling chaotic and out of control, I can’t focus myself enough to find another way.  And then I am angry with myself for screwing up to begin with, for not being able to focus and frequently afterward for missing an obvious alternative.