Saying Good-bye

As is typical, I hold posts because I fear they don't say what I want them to say.  This was written over a year ago, and in re-reading, ironically on Natalie's birthday, I am reminded of how much I miss having a friend.  And it just seems right to share it now.
 

Today is really hard.

We said good-bye to our wonderful friends on Wednesday, as they embarked on their new journey in Ohio.  Having spent their last weekend in PA visiting Hershey Park with them, and having them over for dinner on Tuesday, we had an extra dose of fun and camaraderie and friendship before they left.  

Saying good-bye is way harder than I thought it would be.  Even though they lived across the street, our activities were different enough that sometimes two or three weeks would go by and we would only see each other in passing and at the bus stop.  

But there was always the comfort in seeing their car in the drive.  Of knowing if it wasn't there, they would be back soon.  Of knowing that there would always be a call or a text about dinner, a visit to the park, a playdate.  

I don't make friends easily.  I can only speculate why, but I have theories and hypotheses.  It takes a long time for me to trust.  Natalie was the kind of friend who made that easy.  Many have written about that friend who doesn't care how your house looks or what you are wearing -- Natalie was REALLY that person.  Like Christina was for Meredith (for you watchers of Grey's Anatomy).  Natalie was my person.

The kids started in their new school, Natalie starts her new job tomorrow.  They are already adapting.  Natalie has moved many times in her life.  Started anew on her own.  She is experienced at this.

I am not.  I have not ventured far from home.  I moved an hour away for a year, returning home after my grandma had a stroke and I was spending all of my time driving back and forth to be with my family.  I am not two streets away from the one on which I was born and raised.  It worked for us.  Being close to my parents makes life easier when it is just the two of us.  But I have never really had to start anew.  

It is a beautiful sunny fall day in Pittsburgh.  It will be almost 80 degrees before the day is through.  Our local farm's Fall Festival has started.  It is the kind of day when Natalie and I would connect and take our kids out for some fall fun.  Today, we will do that alone.

My daughter, perhaps guided by Grace, asked me a few days ago for a Mommy & Me day.  A day for just us that doesn't involve running around, being there for everyone else.  At the time of her request, I was touched and readily agreed.  Today, I am wishing for friends to share this beautiful, fun day with.

Perhaps her request was God's way of taking the pressure off, because if I was pressed to find someone to share this day with, I can't think of a soul who I would ask.  We have a lot of acquaintances, a lot of families whose kids are friends of my daughters.  But no one else who is our person.

As I face trick-or-treating alone, lonely mornings at the bus stop and their empty drive, I know that Natalie came into my life for a reason.  To remind me that I need people in my life.  And now I need to figure out how to make it happen.