Dress Code Madness

This past week, I learned that the 7^th and 8^th grade girls at my daughter’s middle school were subject to a skirt/short length check during the morning Pledge of Allegiance.  The questionable timing of it boggles the mind - nothing quite says celebrating our “free” country by checking the length of a girl’s bottoms, I guess.

The girls were also pulled into a special “assembly” where they were subjected to a lecture on the dress code.  And the assistance principal changed one of the guidelines around tank tops.  Formerly the rule was it had to be two fingers or more wide.  Now, the rule is all shirts must have sleeves. 

The question that I always ask when these things happen is why are we shaming girls?

The short answer, from the school’s perspective, is that some girls are not adhering to the dress code.  Uhhh – OK.  Again, the short answer is why shame all the girls for the actions of a few?

But I am tired of short answers.  Because short answers aren’t the true answers or the right answers.

This is about what it is always about – an adult’s perspective about how girls dress.  An adult’s distraction by how girls dress.  This is about sexualizing girls and minimizing boys to Neanderthals without control.

And I say girls, because no one is saying anything about the clingy basketball shorts boys wear that too clearly define their “manhood”.  Or condemning shirts that are too short, or sleeveless t-shirts.  The ration of dress code rules that affect girls compared to those that impact boys is, based on my research, about 10:1.   So I am not going to be PC here – I am calling it as I see it.

The really interesting thing is that there is not one study, not one, that evaluates the impact of girls’ dress on other students.  Not one that shows that when girls where shorter skirts lower the GPA of the boys in their class.  Not one that proves that there is a greater incident to disruption in the classroom when I girl’s shoulders are visible.  Not one that shows (in schools or otherwise) that how a female dresses is an indicator of rape or other sexual assault.  (If you don’t believe me, Google the “What Were You Wearing” exhibit to see what young women are wearing when they were assaulted.  Here's a link to get you started.)

Last fall, my daughter wore this darling dress for her school pics – she left the house telling me, “Mom, I feel like a million bucks!” only to be shamed by a mother at the bus stop who said she should be wearing a sweater to cover her shoulders and telling her she would be red carded for dress.  My daughter got on the bus in tears and felt like crap.  I was furious.   No one said a word about her dress that day, but 5 months later, that dress now does not meet the dress code.

Before I go further, please don’t bother to comment with “Uniforms would fix everything”, know up front that I do not support school uniforms. If you want your kid in a uniform, there are lots of private/Catholic school options to support that. It would be torture for my ultra-creative child.  Uniforms don’t fix the problem, they hide it, brush it under the rug.  Because the issue isn’t the clothing or girl’s bodies.  The issue is how people think about them and the messages our society sends about them.  So no, uniforms are not a solution.

So let’s break this down a bit.

What exactly is the problem?  Who decided that girls’ shoulders are too sexy to be seen?  Who said that anything above fingertip length is too provactive? 

Adults have.  Largely male adults.  Think about that.  That fact alone should call all parents of girls alarm. 

First off, I defy any school official to take girls of a variety and representative shapes and sizes shopping.  What is being sold does not conform to the dress code.  Options are extremely limited at best.  And for girls who are tall or who have longer wing spans – they will almost never find a pair of shorts or a skirt that will meet the fingertip test that also isn’t at risk of falling down around their knees. 

Whether we like it or not, there are not many stores with a range of tween and young teen sizes, and for many of us, Justice is our best bet for this size range. But most of their clothing is too short (tops and bottoms), too thin, too tight or too whatever to meet the dress codes of most schools.  And honestly, it is so thinly made, you can see bra color and underwear patterns through most of their items.

Girls aren’t permitted to wear leggings unless they have a tunic over them.  Let me tell you – I have seen just as much visible in a pair of jeans.  I admit I have been observing people when I am out and about, – and I gotta tell you – I don’t see a whole lot of difference between the butts in fitted pair of jeans (not skinny jeans) and the butts in leggings (the kind you would wear to school, not the working out at the gym kind).  The fit isn’t really different.

But this is what I really want to know: When did a visible panty line become sexy? Or the line of a bra strap under a shirt? Because if it is this big of a problem, then teen boys probably shouldn’t be permitted to ride bikes or drive in our local park, because there is A LOT of distraction there, which would just be dangerous.

While we are at it -- let’s do away with swim teams - too much visible there and no undergarments. And let’s not discuss what might be visible as a result of the cold water. 

Oh yes, cheer uniforms need to be looser and longer – we don’t want the boys distracted during a game, they might get hurt or worse – lose the game.

And in the interest of fairness – the boys basketball team needs sleeves on their shirts, the wrestling team should have looser clothing with sleeves and the baseball and football teams need pants that aren’t so tight.
But let’s get back to reality here.  I remember being a tween and teen girl. I can say with brutal honesty, I was aware boys who were into conditioning and looked great in a sweater or t-shirt or a great pair of jeans. But did it interfere with my ability to pay attention in class – not really. Do we really think that if a boy thinks a girl is cute or pretty or hot or whatever, that what she is wearing is the distraction? As an “early developer”, let me tell you, it wasn’t (and I dressed pretty conservatively) what I was wearing that were paying attention to.   So what should we do in that case – bind chests? 
Are we really saying that boys are so weak of mind and spirit that they are incapable of staying focused if a girl’s skirt is half an inch shorter than her fingertips? That they can’t pay attention to the teacher if they can see a panty line? Or a bra strap?  Or an extra inch of thigh? 

I personally think that a) we are underestimating these young men and b) if that’s true, I fear for the future of our society. Stating that boys cannot control their minds and impulses pretty makes a great defense for every HS and college student athlete, frat boy or whatever who assaults a girl. After all, we are repeatedly affirming the idea that they are victims of a girl’s distracting dress.
In February, Portland, OR area schools, with the assistance of the National Organization of Women, implemented a dress code that not only does not shame girls, but supports kids of all types.  It is it is working beautifully.  

Despite such an open policy, boys are not failing due to distraction, there is no rise in inappropriate behavior or sexual assaults.  Click here to read the policy:  Portland’s Student Dress Code.

 

Our girls need to not be distracted by teachers eyeballing their clothing, staring at shoulders for sign of a bra strap, looking at backsides to see if they are adequately covered or mentally measuring their skirt lengths.  They need to not be distracted by being forced to stand at attention so a principal can determine if their skirts and short are “long enough”.  The need to not be distracted by the fear of being yanked out of class and being forced to put on a sweater on an 80 degree day, or wear something from the lost and found (and can I just say “Ewwww”) or wear something tied around their waists.